BIG Girls Don’t Cry

Chin up, chest out, and suck the tummy in – Why do I still look fat in this picture!?! .. Maybe because I am fat?! Oops I said it, yes I said the “F” word. How many of you can relate to this? As a woman coming from a South Asian country, one thing I can tell you is that if you are not a skinny person, then you better pack your bags and move somewhere else…. just kidding, or am I? 😉

Being fat sucks, I know. I swear I am not trying to start a pity party here. I am trying to shed some light on the other side and see if we can change our perception about few things. I have never been skinny in my life. I can not ever remember being size zero. I have gone from being not-so-fat person to the victim of freshman 15 (or 30) ,to a chubster and finally to the god damn fattest that I have ever been. And this has been a one hell of a journey.

I would go into details about this journey of mine but I guess I can save that for a later time. Today I want to talk about body shaming. What do I know about body shaming? – It’s not cool bruh. I have been a first hand victim of it and I have seen other people go through it too. Skinny or fat, body shaming someone is not good. Since I represent the latter, I am going to talk about it more.

There was a time when I used to be bothered by it.. A LOT. I have had instances where people that I hadn’t talked to for a long time would send me a “hi” in Facebook only to be followed by “OMG you have gained so much weight”. I have three god damn mirrors in my room.. you don’t need to point out how I look. Or instances where I would post a food picture, only to have someone comment, “Jeez, stop eating more before you explode”. I paid for the food, it’s going in my body, if I explode, it’s on me, so hold your horses… I would be lying if I say such comments don’t hurt. Of course it does, even if the person is trying to make a joke about it, its annoying, humiliating, hurtful, and what not.

But then, I started building a thick skin, literally. I started realizing that people are going to judge no matter what. It’s the society that is to blame. No matter how much you hate it, there is nothing really that you can do about it. Sometimes I wonder who was it that started the trend of labels based on body type. “Hey that person looks bigger than us, lets call them fat, oh and also fat is ugly so they should be made fun of.. haha” – That is how I imagine it all started.

Leaving the judgement aside, I think most of us will still agree that it is not fun being fat regardless. In my opinion, there is only 10-15% of people who are actually comfortable with their body and they flaunt it like they own it. The rest of us are just lost in the war between the society and ourselves. The struggle between Pizza or Salad is real, I tell you. You want to lose weight but you also want to eat good food. You eat healthy for few weeks, workout diligently, don’t see any difference and fall back in the shithole. Its like a never ending struggle. It needs so much more dedication than one can actually assume. Its easy to be skinny and tell someone “All you need is to watch what you eat and workout”. If it was as easy as it sounds like, I don’t think I would be writing this right now.

There is always going to be PMS, last cupcake in the fridge, coworker’s cousin’s birthday cake, work Happy Hour appetizers, Pizza party or many more excuses as such. It’s 10 times easier to say yes to cupcakes than to salad. The key at the end of the day is to keep doing what you think is best for you. If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself. If you think you look good the way you are, make sure you are happy with how you look. The in-between phase is the poison, where you blame the society half the time and yourself the other half and in the end you are the only one that is miserable.

Now excuse me while I grab a glass of wine and cry while munching on some chips…. just kidding.. or am I? 😉